I apologize. This recipe is just ridiculous. Absurd. Outrageous. Preposterous. And, uh, totally incredible.

Okay, I’ll put my thesaurus away now and tell you about this crazy concoction.

First of all, let me just mention that this recipes uses a box mix of brownies. Don’t hate. It all works out in the end. It works out beautifully, in fact.

Alright, now that we’ve got the whole box mix thing out of the way, let’s just get to the good stuff.

The first thing you want to do is unwrap 80 bajillion caramels. Or just cheat and use a jar of caramel ice cream topping. I certainly won’t tell anyone. If you do go the homemade caramel sauce route, just melt the caramels with a bit of evaporated milk over low heat until you get a creamy, thick, delicious sauce.

Next up, you mix up the brownie mix and pour it into a springform pan. The recipe says to wrap the pan in extra strength aluminum foil, but I like to live dangerously. I used regular foil. The world, surprisingly, did not end.

Pour that ooey, gooey caramel sauce over your brownies and run a knife around it to give it a pretty swirl before popping that delicious pan full of magic into the oven.

We aren’t done yet. Far from it. You thought brownie mix and caramel sauce was crazy. You don’t know crazy.

Next we melt some chocolate chips and pour that over the top of the brownie cake. Sprinkle on some nuts. Don’t skimp.

Oh, Lord. Someone send in backup.

Is that…did I…surely not…but, yes! That is more caramel sauce drizzled right on top. Someone save me.

This dessert is seriously just out of this world. It’s rich and chocolately and caramely. It’s divine. And, even though it started out as a box mix, I wouldn’t think twice about serving this to  guests. Heck, I’d even serve it to President Obama. If he ever came to visit. And, hey, it could happen. I’m sure of it. If he doesn’t, maybe the Queen of England will drop by. I’ll have to brush up on my tea-making skills, just in case.

Caramel Pecan Brownie Cake
Recipe from Betty Crocker

• 75 caramels (from two 14 oz. bags)
• 3/4 cup evaporated milk
• 1 box mix fudge brownies (1lb 3oz. box)
• 2/3 cup vegetable oil (I use canola)
• 1/4 cup water
• 3 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1 cup finely chopped pecans
• 1 teaspoon vegetable oil (or canola)

Begin by pre-heating the oven to 350 degrees. Wrap outside of 9 inch springform pan with heavy duty foil and spray inside of pan with cooking spray.

In a small saucepan, melt together the caramels and evaporated milk over low heat, stirring frequently. Remove from heat and set aside.

In a mixing bowl, mix together the brownie mix, oil, eggs, and water until well blended. Stir in 1 cup of chocolate chips and 1/2 cup of pecans. Pour mixture into the springform pan. Drizzle the batter with 3/4 cup of caramel sauce. Run a knife through the batter to swirl the caramel throughout. Cover and refrigerate remaining caramel sauce to serve with the cake.

Bake the cake for 1 hour to 1 hour and 10 minutes. The top should spring back when lightly touched in the center.

In a small saucepan, melt together the remaining 1/2 cup of chocolate chips and teaspoon of oil over low heat, stirring constantly. Pour over the pan of warm brownies and spread to cover. Sprinkle with remeaning 1/2 cup of pecans. Allow to cool for 30 minutes and then run a knife around the edges of the cake to loosen in from the pan. Place the cake (still in the pan) in the refrigerator for about 2 hours or until the chocolate is set.

Remove sides of pan and serve cake with warmed caramel sauce drizzled on top.

I apologize for what I’m about to do to all you skinny girls on diets. Your thighs and hips and butt and waist will never be the same. It’s my fault. I’m a naughty girl. I can’t hide this recipe from you though. It’s just too good to keep to myself.

Besides, if I have to gain 500lbs eating these Peanut Butter Brownies, so do you. It’s the law. My law. And, okay, so I don’t have the authority to make laws, but I’m pretty bossy, so you should just listen to me and make these brownies.

I, for one, had never seen peanut butter brownies before I came across this recipe. Sure, there are tons of recipes with peanut butter cups or peanut butter added to regular brownies, but these guys are made from a peanut butter base. And, yes, there are a few peanut butter cups thrown in for good measure.  We wouldn’t want to eat responsibly or anything, would we?

I should mention that the batter for this is very thick. Don’t be scared. It won’t hurt you. I promise.

And, because chopping up peanut butter cups and putting them in the batter just isn’t enough, the next step is removing the brownies from the oven and squishing more peanut butter cups all over the top. Just do it. Don’t question me. Mama knows best.

That’s my son up there. You see that deep, soulful gaze of his? Wondering what he’s thinking so intently about? It’s these brownies. I’m sure of it.

Peanut Butter Brownies
Recipe from bettycrocker.com

• 1 1/3 cups packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup butter, melted
• 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 3 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 36 mini peanut butter cups (Reese’s are the best!)
• 1/2 cup milk chocolate chips

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease bottom of 9×13 inch baking dish.

In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat together sugar, peanut butter, butter, vanilla, and eggs until well blended. Mix in flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

Cut 12 peanut butter cups into quarters and gently stir into brownie batter along with the chocolate chips. Spread into baking dish and bake for 25-30 minutes or until a tester comes out fairly clean.

Remove from oven and immediately press remaining peanut butter cups into the top of the brownies in even rows. Allow to cool before cutting and serving.

You may have noticed that I’ve been a bit absent lately. Your life has probably been a bit darker without me in it. There was a gaping black hole of sadness and badness and wrongness. You weeped quietly while eagerly awaiting my return.

I’m sorry for doing that to you. It was unforgivable.

Forgive me, anyway?

I’ve just been feeling a bit uninspired lately, so I finally decided to just go through my pantry shelves and just make something, darn it.

What I found lurking in there, behind bags of flour and cans of green beans, was an old-ish jar of Marshmallow Fluff.

Fluff. The nectar of life.

I got inspired quite quickly after that and whipped up these s’mores cupcakes.

The cupcake itself is full of graham cracker crumbs, and after being baked and cooled, you gently run a knife in a circle around the center of the top and pop the insides out before piping marshmallow fluff in. I frosted it with chocolate buttercream frosting, because whatever the question is, the answer is always “chocolate buttercream frosting.” True story.

These are a bit more time consuming than most of the recipes that I share with you, but if you’re looking for an impressive treat, these will do the trick.

S’mores Cupcakes

• 2 eggs, separated
• 1/3 cup butter
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 cup graham cracker crumbs
• 1/2 cup flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/3 cup milk
• 1 cup marshmallow fluff

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Beat egg whites with an electric mixer until stiff peaks form. Set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat butter, honey, sugar, vanilla, and salt until well combined. Mix in egg yolks.

Combine graham cracker crumbs, flour, and baking powder. Add to butter/sugar mixture alternately with milk, beating well after each addition. Gently stir in egg whites until well blended.

Spoon batter into paper lined baking cups 2/3 of the way full. Bake for 18-20 minutes and then cool completely.

With a knife, cut a circle in the tops of the cupcakes and scoop out the insides and set aside. Pipe in marshmallow cream and cover with the reserved cupcake top.

Chocolate Buttercream Frosting

• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 2 cups powdered sugar
• 4 tbsp cocoa powder
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 2 tbsp heavy cream, half and half, or milk

Beat all ingredients together until fluffy and smooth. Pipe or spread on cupcakes.

When I was in high school I decided to learn to speak French. I signed up for French class and I proceeded to learn how to say, well, not a lot. I can easily say “I don’t know” and “Where’s the beef?” Other than that, I don’t know much French. That probably has something to do with how often I skipped class in favor of a long lunch break.

Even back then, food was important to me. Even cafeteria food. Our school had the best chicken sandwiches, baked potatoes, and salad bar around. Seriously. I sometimes dream about those chicken sandwiches.

Anyway, French class wasn’t high on my list of priorities, except for the one or two times a year when we had a food day. Each student had to bring in enough food for the rest of the class and the food had to be, you guessed it, French food. And, no, our teacher wouldn’t allow us to bring in French fries from McDonald’s. I asked.

Each food day, I made this same dessert. It’s sort of an éclair, which is totally French, only this éclair is decidedly not French at all. It’s still tasty as all get out, though, and I still make it every now and again and pretend that I’m wandering around Paris asking people where’s the beef.

Before I share the recipe, I should go ahead and apologize. Last week I told you all how I do my best not to purchase a bunch of processed, boxed foods and this week I’m sharing a recipe where not one thing is made from scratch. Whoops!

You could, if you were really ambitious, make the graham crackers, whip cream, vanilla pudding, and chocolate frosting from scratch. I don’t, though. I just use store bought and totally lose my own grocery game for the week!

The pudding does magical things to the graham crackers and this turns out perfectly sweet and decadent without being overly rich.

Éclair Cake

• 1 package Graham Crackers
• 2 packages (3.4 oz) instant French Vanilla pudding
• 8 ounces Cool Whip (thawed)
• 3 cups milk
• 16 ounces chocolate frosting

In a large bowl, mix together the pudding mix, Cool Whip, and milk. Beat well.

Arrange graham crackers in a single layer on the bottom of a 9×13 baking dish. Pour half of the pudding mixture over the graham crackers. Add another layer of graham crackers and pour remaining pudding on top. Add the final layer of graham crackers and spread with chocolate frosting. You may need to soften the frosting up a bit in the microwave to help it spread easily.

Refrigerate for at least four hours before serving.

Grocery shopping can be such a pain in the butt some days, but I generally have a pretty good time when it comes time to pay for my goods. I know, the paying part is usually what people hate the most, but I stay occupied by judging the people in front of me and behind me in line. If they have a cart full of fresh veggies they win! If their cart is full of boxes of “food” filled with high fructose corn syrup and unpronounceable ingredients, they lose!

I’ve been trying hard to be a winner lately, but sometimes I have a bad day and I’m the one with the cart full of icky stuff.

On the days when my cart is full of fresh vegetables and fruits I proudly line those produce bags up on the conveyor belt and I sneak the few processed foods that I must buy in under the bags of fresh produce. Some days I have nowhere to hide the processed foods, so I just hang my head in shame and hope that no one else is playing my little game.

When my son used to go to public school (he’s homeschooled now) I used to play a version of this little game in my head each morning as I packed his lunch. If his bag was full of good, healthy foods then I would imagine the teacher nodding her head in approval at my superior mothering skills. On the days when we were out of the good stuff and I had to pack him sugary fruit snacks, sugary juices, and sugary granola bars with a side of deep fried potato chips, I imagined her shaking her head and clucking her tongue at me in disappointment.

I have issues.

If you have similar issues, allow me to help you out. You can now put one less box of processed food in your grocery cart and you no longer have to be concerned about the school thinking you are an unfit parent. These homemade granola bars are perfect. They are full of good things like whole wheat flour, wheat germ, and oats. I made this batch with chocolate and peanut butter chips, but I also use raisins or other dried fruits on days when I feel like behaving like a good girl. Your kids will love these and you don’t have to feel guilty about serving them.

Homemade Granola Bars

• 2 cups rolled oats
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips (can sub dried fruits for the chocolate and peanut butter chips)
• 1/2 cup peanut butter chips
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup wheat germ
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1/2 cup honey
• 1/2 cup canola oil
• 2 tsp vanilla extract

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line a 9 x 13 baking pan with foil and spray with cooking spray.

Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl. In a small bowl, mix together the wet ingredients. Pour the wet mixture into the dry and mix well (it’s easiest to just use your hands). Pat the mixture out into the foil lined pan.

Bake for about 15-20 minutes if you want chewy granola bars or for 20-25 minutes for crunchy granola bars. When the edges start to brown, remove from the oven and let cool for a couple of minutes. Use a pizza roller to slice into bars. Finish cooling completely before removing from the pan or they will break apart.